


What I never got to say

by Canadiantardis



Series: Cana's Bad Things Happen Bingo [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous character living status, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bleeding Out, Blood, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Is she dead? Is she alive? :3c, Love Confessions, One Shot, Stabbing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadiantardis/pseuds/Canadiantardis
Summary: Idly, Katie wondered if this was what dying felt like.
Relationships: Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt
Series: Cana's Bad Things Happen Bingo [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674190
Comments: 15
Kudos: 27





	What I never got to say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RosieClark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieClark/gifts).



> Rosie requested: Bleeding out with Pidge and a worried Lance  
> and boy did I deliver~

Ever since Shiro came hurtling back to Earth in an alien escape pod, Katie knew her life would never be the same again. Getting Shiro out, meeting with the dropout Keith, and finding the Blue Lion from some alien civilization where she had no idea how it got there nor how it worked, all of that had been preamble to the threat that was the Galra.

She knew there were many risks and dangers the moment they saw that first Galra battleship. But she also knew her family was out there, and even if she left behind the only family she knew without a hint of doubt was there for her, she could not give up on her dad or Matt. She would rather die than believe they were gone forever without finding any evidence.

As time went on into years, Katie began to open up to her teammates. Green helped a lot, her soothing presence reminded her of peaceful days her family took camping in their backyard, watching the leaves on trees wave in the breeze from the safety of their tent, no bugs able to get in. She made fast friends with Hunk, helping each other when one had an idea about an invention and wanted to run it with the other - this was normally Katie coming up with the ideas and Hunk being the one to hear about it and offer input, unless it had to do with food or translations that the ship couldn’t automatically translate for them.

It was easy to bond with Shiro, since she had known him before thanks to his friendship with Matt and her parents. Often, when Shiro would find her wide awake in front of a screen, he would stop her, talk to her about whatever was making her mind race, and then help her to bed. She had a feeling it helped him as well, she saw the way his wild eyes relaxed and drooped as whatever current night terror finally fled his mind.

Her friendship with Keith went through a few trials. Both were too stubborn to back down, and personal feelings often clashed violently. They found common ground, eventually, in wanting to save people. They were both passionate, and often could hype the other up before fights. Katie also enjoyed the fact they could tell when the other was too far in their own heads and were able to bring them back and help calm down. She can still recall the time Keith had been paranoid days after learning about his mom’s heritage and the fact he was half-Galra. It took her some time, but she had managed to remind him he was more than his DNA, and that the Blade was proof and a reminder that not every creature that belongs to a species will have the same beliefs. She knew it had been a temporary salve for him, but it had stuck with him after, whenever she caught him glancing at her days later as the team spoke with the Blade about a mission.

At first, Katie had thought trying to make friends with Allura would be tedious, and in some instances it was. The two butted heads at times, sometimes unable to find common ground, especially before the mice ratted Katie out as being a girl. But as the years past since the beginning of the humans meeting her and Coran, the two found ways to bond. Sometimes, you just had to complain about the other guys being idiots. It was also nice, during those long breaks of peace before another emergency sounded, to indulge herself with playing with hair, braiding or putting up in interesting twists - Altean hairstyles and Earth hairstyles were very different, and Katie still could not believe how well Allura could put her ridiculously long, thick hair into such a proper, neat, _small_ updo, and so quickly too - and trying on the dresses that Allura kept. Most were too long for her, or too big or too tight in other areas, but it was just fun for them during their down time - it wasn’t as often as before, but they found those odd moments of peace with just the two of them comforting.

Lance, however, was a whole other can of worms. He was always finding cracks to wiggle his way into her life, from the very first day they met, and despite her best efforts, Katie fell hard for this dumb lanky noodle. His sweet smile, the way his eyes crinkled in amusement or mischief, his brash voice all slowly, over time, managed to melt her heart, time and time again. Even when she had tried so hard to keep both him and Hunk away during their time in the Garrison, after everything that happened between them, he was always taking her side, wanting to be friends, wanting to hang out, play Killbot Phantasm for hours if they can to get as far as they can in one sitting.

This hadn’t even touched the surface of what Lance had done for Katie since they met. Without wanting him to, Katie found he was the first person to comfort her. He seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to her being sad or in distress - she promised to herself she would never forget how Lance saved her from Sendak when he had been practically in a coma from the blast he barely survived, and a part of her knew that had been the moment her walls began to crumble around him - and was the first to offer companionship even when she knew he would rather do something more fun than hang with her in the Green Lion’s hangar as she worked on some new invention. He had taken a bit of time to wrap his head around the fact she was a girl, but he warmed up to it eventually, but he never changed how he acted around her. He was still caring, dumb, driven, and so loyal, looking back on things, Katie could see just how futile it was to both try to push him and her love for him away.

She wondered if that was why events led to this very moment, pushing Lance out of the way as some tentacle-whip-thing pierced all the way through her armour, under-armour, and abdomen. Blood bubbled up her throat and she coughed, trying to clear it, but only more poured out.

Her feet were not touching the ground, the tentacle-whip-thing hooking around her middle like a skewer, lifting her up like a prize as the owner of the thing piercing her screamed in victory. It was a predator of the planet they had been sent to to get rid of, as it had been an invasive species. Despite all the warnings they had been given, neither could have known it was this powerful.

She struggled weakly, but every movement made a sickening squelching sound and she only coughed up more blood, flecks sprinkling her visor. She barely felt the pain, but she hazarded a guess it was the shock setting in, numbing her for the moment. In fact, she could barely feel anything at all; her hands, feet, any of her senses, they all felt as if someone had wrapped them in cotton, dampening them from her mind. Or maybe a better analogy would be that her entire brain was being wrapped in cotton, cut off from all her other senses.

Katie distantly heard a lower-toned shout, and strange noises like a blaster fired through a pillow. Her movements felt slow, as if she were in a time vortex slowing her speed to a tic a minute, and suddenly a ringing blocked any other sound she had previously heard.

Idly, Katie wondered if this was what dying felt like. Her senses felt like they were shutting off, but she could still see. At least she could see as much as possible with a visor slowly getting covered with spittle and blood, but for now, she could still see how she was several feet up in the air, her arms and legs dangling uselessly below her. She saw the monster she and Lance had been told to get stop, a second tentacle-whip-thing lashing out at something that was out of her field of vision, but she saw it was blasting the monster apart. It had to be Lance attacking it, the bursts were totally the familiar blaster colour she could recognize in her sleep. He was out of view, but simply knowing he was near was enough to make her smile even as she felt something liquid dribble down the corner of her lip.

Suddenly the world sped up, and Katie had barely any time to react before a dying scream pierced her eardrums, and she was dropped, the tentacle-whip-thing exiting her body. She landed heavily face-first and finally screamed. Or maybe she had been screaming this entire time, she wasn’t entirely sure.

Hands scrambled around her, grabbing her shoulders, arms, turning her around, shaking her, and she could see frantic, small blue eyes darting all over her. He was talking, maybe shouting, maybe pleading. It certainly looked like pleading, his eyes and the motions he was making with his entire body seemed like he was about to beg to a deity. Why was he pleading? … Right, she was dying, she was pretty sure she was dying.

Katie took a shuddering breath, and weakly lifted a hand up. She was aiming for Lance’s face, but missed and cupped his neck, trying for a smile. She didn’t want him to be sad for her, and he looked so distraught it pained her maybe more than the hole in her abdomen.

He tensed when she held his neck, struggling to focus her eyes as everything was beginning to really go cottony and hazy. She thought she was able to see where his eyes were, and tried for a smile, unsure if he could even see if under the blood that obstructed her vision - along with the difficulty focusing, she wondered if this was how people who needed glasses felt about their eyesight and if so, Matt was very unlucky to have been like this - but still, she smiled as reassuring as possible.

Black kept along the edges of her vision. A part of her was scared, well more than a single part of her. She didn’t want to die, not after everything she had been through. She’d never be able to tell Lance she loved him, even if he only saw her as a friend, or some little sister. She’d never be able to tell her family she loved them one last time, not be able to hug them and hold them, unafraid of aliens taking them away or hurting them or killing them. She’d never be able to show her appreciation to her friends, something she knew she was bad at. She had never had friends like the other Paladins were, who spoke her language, who knew her, the real her, and still liked her regardless.

Lance looked frantic, and the last thing Katie saw was him leaning over her, his mouth moving in big motions, like he was shouting. She wondered what he was saying.

xXx

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

A steady rhythm floated around the air. It was calming, like the beating of a heart.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Katie floated in darkness, and for the longest time it had been utterly silent, until suddenly the soft beeping came to her. Now it encompassed her, soft, steady, and comforting.

Then, something sounded off, far, far away from where she was in this blackness. Footsteps against linoleum, a little faster than the steady rhythm of the beeping.

“What if she never wakes up?” A voice. Male. He sounded worried. Who was he worried for? “It’s been days. The cryopod couldn’t even wake her up.”

Another male voice responded, at least Katie assumed it was male, it sounded very, very distant, tinny like through a vintage cellphone, and she couldn’t make out the individual words.

“I… I know. I just… She said she loved me, Hunk. In her dying moments, she said she loved me. I, I _can’t…”_ The voice made a choking, sniffling sound, and the other voice said something in response.

The footsteps stopped, and something squeaked. Had the man sat down on a chair of some kind?

He sighed, and it sounded so defeated. Katie frowned, wishing to reach out and find who it was.

“I can’t lose her, Hunk.” The voice cracked in several places. “I didn’t even get to tell her how I feel-” He cut himself off with a sob and Katie hated the sound. It was so hopeless, defeated.

The beeping picked up speed, as if sensing both her own and the voice’s distress. The voice gasped and warmth exploded around Katie’s arm. Pressure she could not see where it was coming from held down her arm and it was then that she realized something was against her back. When had the blackness given her something to hold? This was new.

“Katie? Can you hear me?” The voice, no longer full of despair, asked. He held the smallest flame of hope in his tone and Katie wanted nothing more than to fan it, stoke it to a full-blown bonefire. She just… she didn’t know _how._

“Katie, if you can hear me, show me. Anything. Squeeze my hand.” The warmth against her arm slid to her hand, inside her palm. “Please, wake up.”

Katie wanted nothing more than to do so.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [ LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
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